Thoughts

I'm a pretty easy going person, known for my go-with-the-flow personality and always acting chill. But sometimes I have my moments. From being grumpy to depressed or nervousness or anxiety, I definitively have my moments. Actually, a moment such as now. I've never been one for attention, I hate being put on the spot or having everyone looking at me or speaking in front of a group of people. I don't know why, but it just scares the crap out of me and makes me really nervous. And then I try to make up for the nervousness and end up being over-exuberant and acting like an idiot. Now, don't get me wrong, I have no problem embarrassing myself. I guess that the real problem is that I hate for people to get the wrong impression of me. I've always connected with people emotionally, the therapist to my friends always having answers and advice and being able to sooth and comfort them.That's for helping them though. Myself on the other hand, I've always been very guarded and scared to let down walls and show even half of myself to people. One thing that's always helped me with that though is writing. It always seems that I can just express my thoughts so much better in black and white rather than speaking of the moment.But sometimes, it's become more common recently, I encounter feelings and thoughts that I haven't experienced before and so I don't know how to... deal with them or express them. So, I end up and either get frustrated over this dilemma or just get frustrated in general. One particular feeling that I'm having an extremely hard time figuring out is.. love I guess. There is honestly no other word to describe it, it's definitively love. And there's no hope for me now, it's too late to turn back..