Update on favorites...

So awhile.. well a looong time ago, I did a 30-day challenge for my blog. It's been almost a year ago, so I'm thinking it might need some updates. So, let's start over..
Your favorite eyeliner:

Plum! I absolutely love this color! It's so unexpected and I think it goes with every eye color. I also love green because it goes with my eyes, and of course the Rimmel London Spark it Up! in Tiger's Eye or Black Gold. 

Favorite Foundation:

Neutrogena Healthy Skin. I dip some onto my hand, dab a brush in a little of it, and then swipe it lightly onto my face where I have a blemish, pimple, redness, or usually under my eyes to hide dark circles. After that, I swipe some of Rimmel London bronzer on over top to smoother out the color of the skin and blend it all together.

Your Favorite pair of shoes:

If I had money, the Jeffery Campbell Lita shoes in either black or mint are my absolute favvvorite.

Current fashion style you like:

I've always been a fan of quirky, cute styles...

Bag that you would like to have:

I would be in tears of joy if I could own this Burberry..

Relationships! What fun! :/

No matter how old you get, I've noticed that relationships are always a big topic. In elementary school, yeah you'd have crushes on people then and maybe a first kiss, but it doesn't really amount to anything. Middle school, you start to grow up and experience a larger setting which leads you to grow in your relationships- from just friendships to dating relationships. High school, that's when you experience the big stuff. You might have fallen in love in middle school, but for most people, you fall in love again. And this time get hit hard. But, with getting hit hard comes the falling hard too. I can't say how many of my close friends have broken up when everyone expected them to be together forever and end up married with kids. What causes us to be so blinded? Or is it love that blinds us? How far will one go to deceive themselves, put on the blinders, and just keep trooping through a bad relationship, feigning happiness to everyone around them all the time? One answer I've realized is humiliation. Nobody likes to admit failures, and nobody likes to admit that there is something out of their control that every time they try to fix it, it just gets that much worse and more. Another reason? Some people think that what's going on is normal for relationships. They want things to be different, but when things don't turn that way, they convince themselves that that is an unpractical view of how relationships are and that what they're stuck with right now is how normal relationships are. The last reason I've heard, and the most disturbing to me, is that the person doesn't believe that they can find anybody better,so they stick with the one they have right then. What's so disturbing? Every person I've ever met, has felt that way at one time or another. The levels of seriousness are widely different, but none the less, they all felt that way at one time or another. Myself included. I didn't have my first relationship until the end of 8th grade. I've always hung out with guys and considered to be one of them. Of course though, there's a stage when girls become to develop and boys notice us as actual actual girls- not just a girl. So, one of my friends had been flirting with me a lot (I'm a flirt too, can't help it) and after a week of this, he finally asked me out. I was so happy because I wanted him to ask me out, but once he actually did, I didn't know what to do. There was no chase or spontaneity anymore and after 2 days of dating, he told me he loved me. I froze up and just smiled really big and (thank God), the buses started leaving so I had to hop onto it leaving him there. Later on he called me and told me that he had a huge four wheeler accident, flipped it and got hurt pretty bad, but he should be ok. I was extremely relieved to hear he would be ok, but he told me that he was crying like a baby after it.Now usually, I think it's the most touching and revealing thing when a guy cries in front of you or tells you of it. But when he told me this, I felt disgusted. It was only a four wheeler accident, rub some dirt on it and go on. I still to this day cannot explain why I felt this heated towards him, but I do know that right then, I knew that a relationship between us wouldn't work out. The next day, I broke up with him. I blame the rest of my relationships on the bad karma I got from this mean-ness. After many trials and errors, I've finally found one that I'm happy with, been with for awhile, and totally head over heels for. My only worry now? My friends that I thought would stay together forever? When will it be my turn to morph into them and be unhappy?      

Thoughts (continued)

About every movie that you see today, Hollywood love is depicted in it. Boy meets girl (or vice versa), they get to know each other better or randomly hook up, some big event presents a challenge to them, and either they are happily ever after or end it. Is there not a movie where it doesn't just end there? Do they not have something to show that that whole scenario just continues? I've figured out that if I taped my life, there would be no movie. Just a tape that plays to the climax of where everything is so perfect and happy and everything is working out only to freeze up, crackle, and start back at the O.K. beginning. It never ends! This stupid movie (my life) has just repeated itself over and over and over and over again and I'm wondering if there is ever going to be anything different? I wish for something different! Dear Jesus, just please help me out here some, I can't keep re-living the same parts! Stupid wish. Who would have thought it would come true? So here I am, a little over 10 months later, and wondering what the heck did I make a stupid wish like that for? The answer? So I would meet him. Never in my life.. I'm at a loss for words. Actually, that's my answer. Never in my life has somebody made me at a loss for words.

A man and a woman are soon to be married, and the priest asks them,"why are you with each other?" The man turns to the woman, eyes wide and a deer in the headlights look is on his face. The woman puts her hand on his knee and with a reassuring smile, she turns to the priest and says, "Because I love him." The man, thinking this is the obvious answer turns to the priest, a smile now present on his face and nods his head up and down vigorously. The priest takes in their expressions, their body language, the obvious love between them, and knows that they will be truly happy together. However, he questionizes them again. "Yes.... Why do you love him? For obvious reasons I suppose... Caring, honest, loving, attractive. Those are signs of what connections families have with one another though. And I take it you wouldn't want to marry your brother? Or sister eh? So tell me, besides all of the typical mumbo-jumbo, what really draws you into one another? Why do you love this man? And this woman? What connections do you share, and show, one another that you do not show anybody else?".

I came up with this story one day when in a deep thinking mood and when I was asking myself those exact same questions. And you'll be surprised by how long and hard you have to think to come up with any answers. You can say love. But I also love my dog, so that's scratched out. You can say caring, but I also care for all of my friends so that's scratched out. It takes some extraordinary thought, but if you come up some answers, the results are extraordinary as well.  

Thoughts

I'm a pretty easy going person, known for my go-with-the-flow personality and always acting chill. But sometimes I have my moments. From being grumpy to depressed or nervousness or anxiety, I definitively have my moments. Actually, a moment such as now. I've never been one for attention, I hate being put on the spot or having everyone looking at me or speaking in front of a group of people. I don't know why, but it just scares the crap out of me and makes me really nervous. And then I try to make up for the nervousness and end up being over-exuberant and acting like an idiot. Now, don't get me wrong, I have no problem embarrassing myself. I guess that the real problem is that I hate for people to get the wrong impression of me. I've always connected with people emotionally, the therapist to my friends always having answers and advice and being able to sooth and comfort them.That's for helping them though. Myself on the other hand, I've always been very guarded and scared to let down walls and show even half of myself to people. One thing that's always helped me with that though is writing. It always seems that I can just express my thoughts so much better in black and white rather than speaking of the moment.But sometimes, it's become more common recently, I encounter feelings and thoughts that I haven't experienced before and so I don't know how to... deal with them or express them. So, I end up and either get frustrated over this dilemma or just get frustrated in general. One particular feeling that I'm having an extremely hard time figuring out is.. love I guess. There is honestly no other word to describe it, it's definitively love. And there's no hope for me now, it's too late to turn back..    

Take two..

So tomorrow after school, I go in for yet another interview. This time? McDonald's. When I was younger, I always thought that I would hate to work in a fast food place because of the smell.. all the food... it would just make me sick. but now I'm realizing, there seriously aren't very many places to choose from here. Sure, you can walk into any place and ask for an application, but most of them don't contact you in any way after that. So, here I am, yet again, nervous as heck before an interview. My first one with Denny's? It wasn't bad at all and I thought it went pretty good. The lady said that she would contact me back in a couple of weeks about it (it's now been over 2 weeks), and not a word. I think it's partially my fault though because apparently after an interview, you're supposed to suck-up and be the first to contact them back and thank them for their time, loved to learn more about how the company runs.. basically just put yourself back into their mind. Over all though, I am kind of glad that they didn't hire me because they want me to work 40-hour weeks while at the same time being a full time student. Not particularly m idea of a perfect job. Anything to get that nursing degree though..

Lolz

Ok, so this may be before my time and an old joke... But I find this to be extremely funny!!

What I thought was so funny? I wondered if while somebody else was taking this picture, if they had it planned out for somebody in the background to do a photo bomb on this person. Here, let me show you...

    

Well, that done with more or less talent than with me putting a man on there with paint. Hahahhah oh man, I need sleep..

Too Much

I think I'm finally facing reality, and I don't like what I see. Everything is seeming to all happen at once and it's all so overwhelming to cope with. Every time that I've heard someone speak of their senior year, I see three reactions. 1- The Oh My God look; Those were the worst years of my life, why did you have to bring them up? 2- The Glazed look; I was too stoned to remember any of it. Or 3- The Goofy Face; the person is perfectly happy to reminisce in their happy high school memories. But nobody has ever mentioned any of the other faces. What about the faces I'm showing? Now it seems that anytime I meet an adult, they first ask what my name is, what school I'm going to and what year I'm in, and what I want to be when I grow up. Besides taking pride in the fact that they don't think I'm grown up yet (because I'm not, the day I become old will be torture), I get offended by the questions not asked. Now a days, you aren't defined by who you are, your defined by your success. I suppose that's how it's always been, but now I'm looking it full in the face because now I'm a part of this whole cult. I'm glad they ask me my name, that's one of the first things that defines you as a person. But what about other things in my life? The simple things, the happy things, the things that make you happy instead of worried or scared? Most people when they first start dating, so many simple things are over looked and not even thought about until you have to. Like what about your favorite color? Your favorite animal or saying? Favorite childhood memory or a dream you've always wanted to accomplish? The biggest wall you've ever had to overcome, the best piece of advice you've ever received, or the things that make you happiest in life? I'd like to be defined by those things; the things that matter. Not by grade, years I've spent in college or how successful my job is considered. When have people stopped being looked at as people, and started to be looked at as somebody either in school or with a successful career? Shouldn't your life be based on what makes you happy instead of how much money you make? Or schooling that you've been lucky enough to receive?

Wana Know Something Amazing?

Whoop Whoop! So wana know something amazing? I figured out that I've posted over 100... posts, and I also found out this cool thing on my profile thingy to be able to see which countries have viewed my blog. And guess what?! I've had people from 10 countries view my blog! So, in honor of my 100th post, I'm going to try to do something a little bit more creative to celebrate this mark. I'm going to dedicate a post(s) to each country. So, here's the list: (and page views)
United States          266
Canada                  12
Germany                 7
Singapore               6
Russia                     2
China                      1
Algeria                    1
Finland                   1
United Kingdom      1
India                       1

Wow. I didn't know I had this in me

So in my English 101 class, we read a letter from a man named ___ Adams. Adams wanted to omit his algebra class because it was a useless course for the career he wants to pursue- a lawyer fighting for Native American rights. We had an assignment after we read the letter and class discussion, to write out some of our thoughts and feelings on this whole letter. And, to give our opinion on if we would let this man get out of taking his algebra class or make him take it. This is my response. And may I say... I'm kind of impressed. I had a sort of fire burning in me to express my views and say all my points. Most of it probably doesn't make sense because it was very quickly typed out thoughts (And considering that it's my thoughts, they're not going to make much sense). So anyways, here's my response. Sorry it's so long. Hehehe :D

I had already read the letter previously, but when it was read out loud and I heard it for the second time, I caught a lot of stuff that I had previously missed. It surprised me that the decision to exempt the student was split half-and-half throughout the class. I agreed with the classmates that believed the student should not be exempt. A lot of good points were made including that if Adams was so intent and fired up to be a lawyer for his tribe, attending an algebra class shouldn't get in his way. It should have been a minor speed bump in his road. Him not being able to achieve this challenge shows me doubt that he has enough passion, integrity, determination, or stubbornness that it takes a person to achieve their dream of being a lawyer. It was also said that this probably isn't the first case brought to the dean's attention where a student didn't want to complete a class because it wouldn't "help them in their career field". In Adam's letter, he even quoted another teacher saying that he needed to take algebra to become more educationally rounded. Adam's response was that he already knew enough in that subject and that he already knows what his future will hold for him. This just shows that he's not well rounded and lacks the quality of being able to see things from every possible point of view possible; a trait essential to an aspiring lawyer. Nobody can know exactly what can happen in their future, we're humans. there's no possible way to know exactly what will happen. And as for him being well rounded, knowledge isn't the only thing gained through attending a class; You also gain skills. Even if the skills aren't essential to your field, it never hurts to know a little bit about everything and some good old common sense. In the future, your job may not even work out. You can get fired, you can find out that that job is not the one for you. You may take the next step of trying to find a new job, and what use would a college degree be if you don't have the required math course as part of your transcript? You'd have to go back to college, waste time, just to be able to find another job. And as we all know, time is money and sometimes in our lives, we quite frankly don't have any time to waste.     

What I need

It's crazy how much can change in just an hour, let alone a day. It's also crazy how much one can grow in just a few hours or how childish you can feel in that same amount of time. Always too late though, you realize the mistakes and regret takes over. You try to apologize and fix things, but all you can do is wait it out, and try to fix your own self. It's been one of those days and I realize what I need. I need to spend some money on a little retail therapy. If I had money, these would be a few of my chosen options..

medium leather carry-all pouch (american apparel)

wild diva alani 01 Taupe snakeskin slingback platform heels (lulus)

chelsea crew union black suede cut out platform wedge booties (lulus)

jeffrey campbell lana fab khaki peekaboo platform ankle boots (lulus)

School. Again.

So I must, yet again, write a post on school. It's beyond confusing and mind boggling to me that a person can wake up in the morning and feel on top of the world and absolutely amazing. Then within a minute, you can feel like poop. But then, since you feel like poop, you go to Google and Google  it since that solves everything and stumble upon a website about poop which makes you feel a lot better. But then when you're driving, a butterfly gets stuck in your windshield and gets smeared all over your windshield and can't get out so you feel sad and grossed out. But then you see somebody in a chicken suit standing outside with a sign so you laugh. And then you see a sign for Sonic and feel automatically hungry for one of their sour apple slushies. And so on and so on. The point is, things can change in an instant and that's exactly ow it was at school today. Not one of my best days so far; not even one of my good days. But there's still about 7 hours left in this day so who knows what type of day it'll be at the end. All I know is that just a bit ago, I did Google "poop" and I haven't stopped laughing.
 http://www.smellypoop.com/facts_about_poop.php  <-- click with extreme caution

First impressions...

So in that post that I just published? I mentioned in there that I make the worst first impressions ever? Yeah.... I think some of these stories are worth documenting. And besides, it gets my mind off of the interview. Oh gosh. The interview. OK! Change of subject! So, boyfriend and I have been dating for 10 months on the 25th of this month.Wow, that's really soon. I must not forget this time. Oooo! You know how the typical stereotype is that guys never remember anniversaries? Yeah... That's not entirely true. See, I forgot about our anniversary. Like just last month. And a couple months before that. Oops. Anyways, when boyfriend and I first met, it was in French class my freshman year, his junior year. I must admit, and I've told him this, that he kinda scared the crap out of me when I first met him. He likes to wear baggy clothes (He's super skinny), and prefers black and other dark colors (He looks really good in them). And he had really short hair with this looong one-inch chunk of hair grown out in the front. I think it's called a sqeeub? I'm not for sure but it was... different. But, there was something about him and so I went over and talked to him and stuff and found out that he has a lip piercing and tongue piercing. Now I was a deprived child, we just recently got T.V. haha and so I hadn't really experienced such piercings or haircuts. (My parents would kill me if I had them). But I saw the tongue ring and automatically blurted out without thinking, "Ooooo! Can you do tricks?" He burst out laughing and we've been friends ever since. Now, just to clarify, I didn't mean that in a perverted way and I still don't quite know how to describe what I was thinking. I guess I meant like if he can.. I'm not for sure. If I say anything it'll be taken perverted and then I'll start laughing and won't be productive for the next 3 hours. Which is bad because I need to leave for interview in HALF AN HOUR!!! 

First day of school!

So today marks the first official day of my Senior year. If I had to describe it... one word would be just a daze. Today went by so quickly even though sometimes while sitting in my seat in class, time seemed to creep by slower than molasses.Surprisingly, I know at least one person in every single one of my classes which is a first and I'm fortunate to have a study hall last period of the day which will help out a lot. So far, all of my classes seem amazing and I can't wait until we actually get started on stuff. I'm super excited about anatomy and physiology. I'm super glad because of the teacher I got for economics; I was terrified of who I was more likely to get for it. And in English, we'll later be learning how to write an excellent argument-based paper which I'm sure will come in quite handy in the future. I felt so rebellious when school started too because everybody was walking around wearing dresses and their finest clothes for first day of school. And then there's me. I was walking around in a v-neck grey cotton tee, dark wash skinnnies and flip flops. I figured, everybody here has see me about every day for four years. They all know that I don't always look my best, so why not just go ahead and wear regular clothes? Surprisingly, I saw that many other people had shared the same process as me. What creepers.That was a joke. Anyways, so I have an interview in like an hour? AAAHHHHHH!!!!! This is the first interview I've ever done and I have the absolute WORST first impressions ever which is what an interview rides on basically. If you haven't been able to tell I'm extremely nervous!!! Wish me luck =/